This is a discussion on What to do if your friend gets 'heart-broken'? within the Heart Softeners forums, part of the Islamic Worship and Fiqh category; What to do if your friend gets ' heart - broken '? Remember when you and your friend were always close and you could tell ...
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| | #1 |
| Administrator Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 2,022 Gender: ![]() Way of life: Muslim Thanks: 79
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| | #2 |
| Administrator Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 2,022 Gender: ![]() Way of life: Muslim Thanks: 79
Thanked 257 Times in 209 Posts
| What to do if your friend gets 'heart-broken'? You had noticed that your 'friend' had been hangin out with different people for quite a while now.. most weren't upto any good. |
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| | #3 |
| Administrator Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 2,022 Gender: ![]() Way of life: Muslim Thanks: 79
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| Love which Harms and Love that Benefits When a person experiences love, their whole life changes and they feel two extremes: The person usually experiences no.1 when they're with the person that they love or after they've met with them, and the person experiences no.2 if they havn't contacted them for a while, or if it had ended.. When a person really has fallen for a person, they feel that their whole life is surrounded around them. They may even obey that person in matters which contradict islam, which obviously isn't the right thing to do. There are 4 types of love in islam: 1) Divine Love - which is specifically for Allah alone. And none should be loved divinely more than Allah.Most people who fall into haram love usually don't understand islam properly. They might start off with desire, and gradually be played into falling in love with the person. However, one has to realise that no love is real, no love is really lasting - unless it is done for the sake of Allah. This is why love which is done while disobeying Allah is usually broken, ends up in hurt, and both people usually end up as enemies, or go down other evil after this, unless Allah saves them and blesses them hidayah (guidance.) There was a lecture i heard last year, and in this lecture the brother discussed good and bad endings of people. There was a man who was waiting to go on a date with his girlfriend, i think he was muslim. He was waiting for her somewhere, but for some reason - she was taking a really long time. He was so desperate to meet her, why was she taking so long? After a while, she came. He was WELL HAPPY! He got so happy, he fell down and.. prostrated to her. What? Yeah, he did that.. but guess what? He never got up after that again. He died in that state. May Allah protect us. You know what's shocking? We will be raised on the day of judgement on the last position we were in. Here's a good one though. There was a woman who was getting prepared on her wedding day. The people were putting her makeup on her, her gel and all that women wear on one of their most special days of their life. She finds out its maghrib salah (prayer.) "I need to do my wudhu.." "You've got your makeup on now, you can't do that now.." "I have to pray salah!" She got up and ran to do her wudhu. She washed off her gel, her makeup. Starts praying maghrib salah. What's the last thing she does? She moves her head to the side to finish her prayer; "Asalamu 'alykum warahmatulah..." the angel takes away her soul.. thats the last words that come out from her mouth.. What will happen on the day of ressurection? We'll be raised up on our last physical action that we did. Ask yourself - What death do I want? Where do I want to die? How do I want to die? |
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| | #4 |
| Administrator Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 2,022 Gender: ![]() Way of life: Muslim Thanks: 79
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| The first time experience... The first time is always the most emotional. It's like you're re-born, and you're that baby who got the attention its always wanted. Someone cares for you, and wants to be there for you, they there to help.. they understand, you understand them too. They don't want anything in return except you.. You feel happy, nah its not just happiness - its not even like getting that toy you always wanted when you were small.. but its deeper than that, the whole feeling runs through your body. Joy, excitement, you smile when you're together, and you just want to shout out to all the world.. your emotions are at an all time high. The first time is the most special, you've never felt this before.. Love is special, its a blessing from Allah. “And among His signs is this,Anyone who's ever been in love can nod their head to that, that verse has to have the greatest description of love. When in love, you feel a sense of calmness.. a sense of ease in your heart. You even feel a physical change, and you sigh more often, deeper breaths which makes you feel even more calm and tranquil. This breathing gets affected tremendously if this relationship breaks, which we may discuss later insha'Allah. Ibn Katheer says something really interesting to explain this verse: Tafsir of Surah al-Rum [30] : 21 Stay PureIf Allah had made all of Adam's progeny male, and created the females from another kind, such as from Jinn or animals, there would never have been harmony between them and their spouses. There would have been revulsion if the spouses had been from a different kind. Out of Allah's perfect mercy He made their wives from their own kind, and created love and kindness between them. For a man stays with a woman because he loves her, or because he feels compassion towards her if they have a child together, or because she needs him to take care of her, etc. The best way to enjoy this love is by staying away from dating even if others around you are getting involved in this. The reason for this is because when you're married, you both have agreed on a contract to live with each other and not cheat on each other. You've agreed that you will work together so you can channel your feelings in a halal or even rewarding way instead of doing the same in an immoral and haram (forbidden) way. Islam doesn't forbid you from all things, rather it forbids the harmful and it balances your desires, so instead of turning to haram - you have a halal method instead. For instance some food is made haram for you, yet other food is made permissible. Riba (interest) is forbidden, yet business transactions are permitted. The same way having boyfriends/girlfriends is forbidden, but marriage is permitted and can even be rewarded for if the person has the sincere intention of pleasing Allah in the process. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said "And one will be performing an act of charity when he has sexual intercourse (with his wife)."When you fall in love, all that was worrying to you before - lifts off your shoulders. You might use these troubles to gain sympathy off your lover and to gain their attention. When you do this, they understand you and that makes the sad feelings go away. Their there for you, thats all that matters.. Remember when we said before that they put a smile on your face? It's because you can't control it, it just comes out. Sometimes your cheeks even get tired because you're smiling soooo much. It even happens if their not there, and can happen if you remember the good memories you had together. Next time, try seeing a pair of lovers. Maybe not your mom and dad, don't want the shoe hitting your face now do we? lol don't stare at non mahrams either, but if you can see a pair of lovers. Try looking at them, they'll try to play games with each other. One of them will say something, and even though the other one agrees - they'll become 'cheeky' and try to say the exact opposite. Why? Because opposites attract, and you need some playful opposition to keep things alive. If you both were to simply agree on a point, and not disagree on anything whatsoever - where would the fun be? Advantages of the first experience: The advantages of the first time include some of the following: * It happens gradually, so you experience it step by step which makes it more rememberable, this is probably why most people don't forget their first time experience. The first experience is the most special.. anyone who's been there knows. Make your first time special, do it for the sake of Allah, and He will bless you in it more and more insha'Allah. Don't waste your time with other stranger guys or gurlz, because you're just harming yourself - you're harming the innocence of your heart. And the only time you can really experience the love is when your heart is innocent. Your whole life will change after you experience your first lover - everything you've ever felt in life will seem insignificant uptill that point, let that person be worth it. Do it the halal way, Allah will bless you insha'Allah. |
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| | #5 |
| Administrator Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 2,022 Gender: ![]() Way of life: Muslim Thanks: 79
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| The [Un]Hidden Enemy? Some days pass by, and you feel that your friend still needs your help. You decide to go to their place. You feel sad that their hurt, but you know that it's better for them.. its for their own good. The people they were with before were harmful for them, and instead of allowing them to fall deeper into the darkness of sin, you have a chance of bringing them closer to Allah's Love and Mercy. The stage their in right now, is a proper emotional stage and a life changing event. It's like someone’s just pushed them off a plane, they got no parachute, so you gota stand at the bottom with a massive safety net ready to catch em and then quickly divert them towards the hospital for safety. The hospital is islam.. because this is a proper critical & emotional time for the person, they can be pushed to one of two extremes [depending on who their friends are]: either towards the guidance and light of islam, or they can be pushed to the side of evil where they hurt others because of the pain that they experienced them self, which then leads them to the darkness, and once a person falls into that zone - it's really hard to climb back out. If the person was hurt for the first time, they will get different responses depending on who their friends are. The one who experienced the hurt will be affected by this, because like its been mentioned many times before - you're a baby, and you're going to get affected by everyone around you. These people will affect your future outlook on things, because when you've lost your lover - you feel alone, timid, distressed, weak, and your friends are the one's who will look after you at a social level, which alters the way you think and react. The same way a mother nurtures her child when it's weak, and the child is affected by the people around it; in the way it thinks, reacts, imagines etc. Let's look at what would happen if your friend still hung out with the bad boyz or thuggetez: Your friend would usually go to the person who they felt most comfortable with from the crew. They wouldn't tell everyone in public because that would be a loss of respect infront of the people init? Or maybe something they felt shy about. Bro, lisen.. remember that gurl i was with a few weeks back? (Deep down inside, thats what your friend felt. He would love it if that could happen, thats what everyone wants. That's the fitrah [natural inclination] Allah has placed in man, where love and mercy is in the hearts of the people, and this is what keeps them working together, staying together even when hardships come in their way..as a team.) Your friend knows that you feel this way, but the friend doesn't want to talk about it. They don't want to discuss how you're feeling, because its not kool to do that. This society is surrounded by sin and promotes the idea of a hardened heart, which is the consequence of sins. The friend probably doesn’t even feel sad for the fact that your hurt, rather they would be more happy if you got over it and moved on because you gota be stronger. In other words, have a more harsher, hardened heart, because obviously, the intention is bad. [خَتَمَ اللَّهُ عَلَى قُلُوبِهِمْ] By the way, I’m not saying that moving on from a previous love is bad – rather, trying to move on from a previously commited sin and not be regretful of it, then go onto other sins is bad. Because the aim of bad friends is to tell you to ‘get over’ the past lover, in order to become a ‘player’ or to become more harsher against others. Subhan Allah, surprisingly, females, who are usually known for their emotions even more, give a similar reaction. The irony is that they were also like this at their first time; they were exactly like your friend. In a state of worry, confusion, sadness... It occurs when your friend might have gone out with a 'player' because he was popular, something which your friends promoted. They pushed you into it, so you went along because you wanted to be accepted, to be known, to be popular. It seemed exciting too, going out with the most popular guy who you could never have imagined to speak to before. Was it because I had started wearing more makeup? because i had removed my hijab? Shaytans clever, he's had more experience than anyone on this earth put together. Too bad though; because he's inviting us to harm, to sadness and to hell, but for some reason - we chase after it. Hell's surrounded by desires right? Your friend probably experienced all that's been mentioned in the previous chapter, love's like getting high without sniffing nothing but the perfume/aftershave your lover wears. Or is it really love? Love's a two way thing right? Seem's like it wasn't real, or true from the receiving end of the playa or pimpress. Was it just a fake? Why do they do this? Don't they care how people feel? These are the exact questions your friend asks when you meet them. Why did this happen? People who have become used to playing others like picking on innocents. Someone who's doing it for his or her first time. You know why? Because they can control and limit their emotions, at least the emotions they have remaining. Whereas the innocent doesn’t know what’s going on, they don’t know the plans – they fall in it more emotionally than using their logic. Remember we were saying in the earlier chapter that the only one who can't control their emotions are those that are experiencing it for the first time? That's true, and the players are usually those who can limit their emotions, control them, manipulate them in a way so they don't feel hurt and if they've got bad friends, they will actually promote it and the more they cheat, the more they get rated. It's a sign of respect infront of the people - yet its a sign of dishonor, and anger in the sight of Allah. The playa thinks he/she is getting away with it, they feel proud - yet because their locking their emotions up [in order to not get hurt], they harming themselves and falling deeper down the ladder, the deeper into darkness, and if they don't repent - deeper into the wrath and punishment of Allah. Why do these people lock up their emotions? Because they want to have fun and they really don't want to get hurt, so they don't place their emotions in, but use their past experiences and trial and error methods to play the person. To pretend to the other that they love them, while using deceit. Some gyalz even call themselves 'Gold Diggers' because they use guys for their money, same can be said about some guys doing it to women. The deeper one falls into this, the further they are turning away from Allah. They are harming themselves, while feeling proud of who they are - not realising what Allah has prepared for those who are rebellious. Hurting someone on purpose is a bad thing. People are so used to it today, where some people say 'once a playa, always a playa' and they feel proud of that. These people don't desire a secure, honest relationship. Their heart becomes darker, their emotions are lost. Because they have no emotions, they don't understand, don't feel a sense of right and wrong. The consequences of this are enjoying, desiring evil and hating/detesting what is good [which is going against the fitrah which Allah has originally programmed us with.] Abu Hurayrah narrated that the Messenger of Allah said, The ironic thing is that these 'players / pimpresses' were just like your innocent friend once upon a time. They fell into love, and got hurt also. They had two choices; either turn towards Allah and His guidance, or hurt others because you experienced this hurt. They chose the wrong path, and this is what lead them to harm their own self, and the others who may have fallen astray in the process. However, Allah is so Merciful that He is prepared to forgive us for our wrongdoings, even if these sins cover all of the earth. But we have to turn to Him sincerely in order to earn His forgiveness and reward. To Him we shall be brought back and be judged on all that we did. May Allah protect us from falling into evil, and may we all die in the state of Islam. Ameen. |
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| | #6 |
| Administrator Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 2,022 Gender: ![]() Way of life: Muslim Thanks: 79
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| The Moment. *the phone rings. the latest R n B polyphonic track* You check the cellphone/mobile screen name, it's him/her! You got a smile on your face!! Hey!! wasup?!! hey sup, Listen.. i need to tell you sutin. i need some space for a while.. i got things on my mind and that. ..... ..w-what..what do you.. mean? It's not you, it's me.. i got things on my mind, thats all.. i need to sort em out. .... What is it? What's the problem.. I can try to help you.. remember what we promised each other, we said we could overcome anything together. Ayt, yeah about that.. but this is sutin else. We gota have a break for a little while, ya'know. But.. how come? Is.. it someone else? Why.. Don't you trust me!? Look, I just got other things to sort out. Anyway, listen, we'll chat later. inabit. - silence - *a dead tone echoes in your ears* You dial the number, which you already know off by heart now. "The number you are calling is busy.." You call again, again its the same voice. *your eyes face down towards the ground.* A feeling overwhelms you... a feeling.. It's the feeling of when the heart beats faster.. a big lump in the throat, it hurts... You can't control the tears, they flood out no matter how hard you try to hold them in. Your head hurts. Whether you're a guy or a gurl, its the same.. if it's your first time - you're going to feel this pain. This is what your friend was experiencing... The lump in the throat builds up, it hurts, it feels like your hearts actually reached your throat and you can feel it beating like a drum. It's sour, like.. like when you get hit really hard. The higher area of your cheeks [below your eyes] feel the same hurt as your throat, if you don't close your eyes the pain will increase more.. [like when you've been running for so long and you need to rest, otherwise you get a sour/tangy feeling in your muscles [if you want to get scientific: due to the lack of oxygen and building up of lactic acid]] This is why you have to close your eyes (to ease that pain), and when you do this - the muscles push against your tear glands which are already building up on the amount of water being produced,[this is the reason for the pain.] and when you close your eyes [the muscles which are holding the tears relax] which releases the water & your eyes overflow with tears. "I tried..i swear.. i really tried.. how can people..d-do this..?" they said. You can't do nothing, all you can do is watch and make them feel that things will get better with time insha'Allah. You have to reassure them, you're there for them.. You pass them a tissue, come closer to them.. and give them a hug. This is what shaytan promises you.. deceit, false desires and harm, in this world and the hereafter. He makes it seem fun, we get that feeling of adrenaline, a 'high'.. yet anyone who's experienced this 'high' - can tell you that there is a worser pain which comes after it. Whether this feeling comes through drugs, guys/gurls etc. Allah only forbids us from certain things because He knows that they are harmful for us. And he creates these harmful things in order to test us, if we go stay away from them - we may be saved from it, however some even get stuck there for life, while others Allah saves by bringing them back to the guidance and light. However, this guidance can only come through sincerety and patience. --------------------------------------------------------- You wake up.. oh no! I fell asleep.. you check your phone, 2 new SMS messages Recieved. I must have overslept, you think to yourself. - Open - ------ You text back telling them you'll come over in a little while. *Knock knock* Come in, he/shes in their bedroom. Oh okay, thanks. You go upstairs, the doors locked. It's me! open up!! Your friend goes back to lie down again, staring at their phone. *sigh* you go sit next to them. Why did it have to happen to me for? I wasn't, i never even.. t-they.. came to me first. I never wanted to hurt him/her, thats the only reason i said yeh when they asked me.. Oh.. but you knew it was a sin. Yeah.. but.. i really felt it would work, then maybe we could get married and be good. Good can't come from bad though, sin can put a person in a worser position. I know.. i know that now. I thought that he/she cared for me, we even said to each other that we would be together like bonnie and clyde. It's just that i wish it never had happened, yet at the same time i do. I tell myself that if it had never happened to me, my life would be so much easier now, but imagining life without him/her kills me inside. I can't love him/her if he/she isn't there for me, but i can't move on without them either. Life without him/her makes me feel lost, yet life before that was free.. everything felt so simple, like i had no worries, and remembering how i cried when i fell in the park makes life before this seem so free. But when i'm with him/her i feel even more special, i feel like someone cares for me, and they want to be by my side, they understand me and they make me smile. Yet whenever i imagine life without them, i feel lost again. It's like a circle, a cycle.. which has no ends. You could see a tear rolling down your friends eye. Their face wasn't like that fun, baby face that they had when you two were younger.. it was now more serious, focused, it seemed more mature. You missed your childhood, when you never had to worry about guys/gurlz, and all you had to worry about was who would win in the playground. This was a life changing event, and your friend wasn't who you knew of before, they were a different personality. You have no choice though, you have to move forward with them. Your friend was crying now.. it looked like they were having an anxiety attack. You could see the pain in their eyes.. they were still focused like before, except the tears were flowing out much quicker than before. Sometimes they would whisper the person's name.. then become breathless. They would breathe rapidly, their lips quivering, while their eyes rained tears constantly. They would seek security, warmth by holding onto their pillow. Imagine a baby crying, and what it does when it loses the one it loves and cares for. If a baby loses the one it loves, it can even die because it needs love, the same way it needs food and water to live. When it cries, its eyes flood with tears, its breathing becomes rapid, its lips quiver, and if it's old enough it cries out, cries out for its mother and holds onto its pillow for security too. We are all babies deep down inside, we only change outwardly.. but we desire for someone to care for us, to be there for us and to love us... To be continued insha'Allah... |
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| | #7 |
| Administrator Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 2,022 Gender: ![]() Way of life: Muslim Thanks: 79
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| The Beginning.. It was my turn before you! No! it was mine.. I'm going to tell my daddy over you.. Sooo.. you started it! shall i tell teacher?!? you even hit me.. saddo *sniff*...... ....... Nope, i'm wearing a jubba with a hoody for eid. Is it? Yep, we'll wear it for eid salah. Kool! ------------ It's not the beauty that counts, its the inside isn't it? Yeah sis, anyway i want to wear loads of jewellery on my wedding day. lol, thats a looong time yet.. remember your mom said you would get married until only after college? ..yeah thats a long time yet. do you want arranged marriage or love marriage? .......... Shall we join in? No, don't. They think their kool but we just messing ourselves up if we get involved. Oh okay... ................................. Yo, sup! listen, we got sutin goin on? wna join in? ...Oh..Alright.. yeh safe! respekt! ayt your one of us now.. Kool! what do i have to do? Fo startaz, talk propa.. yo 1 of uz naw, ayt n 2nd we got a lil dare fo ya. ...Alrigh..aiiight! i'm in then... -------------------------------------------------- The Truth of this World Life is a short journey.. you'll be travelling since the day you're born till the day you die. Then you will rest in your temporary home [the grave], which is probably an even longer place of residence than the home of this world. And the one after it will be even longer lasting.. once Allah has created the soul of a human or jinn, it will last forever, the location of the next life [hellfire or paradise] can only be determined by what was accomplished within the life of this world.. the person lives in this life while facing many difficulties, and these difficulties can have different responses. 1) Some people may become arrogant and harsh because they are facing difficulties, and they feel it's stopping them from accomplishing what they want in this world.The successful ones are those who turn to God/Allah whole heartedly in total submission [person no.3] because if a person submits to Allah and is sincere, Allah will give this person an easy life in this world and the hereafter. Whereas those who become arrogant when Allah trials them, they go deeper into their arrogance which may distance them even more further away from Allah. Person number 2 stays in a state of confusion and if they don't turn to Allah whole heartedly, they are likely to be influenced by the society around them, which is usually something negative. The only reason Allah trials us is to see if we will turn back to Him, if we will stay firm on our belief in Him, because these hardships we face, they are given by Allah; to remove our sins, to raise our ranks in His sight and in paradise, & to make us better people in this life and the hereafter. Why? Because a person usually only turns to God if they are in need of help, otherwise we prefer our desires and turn away from what Allah expects off us. These hardships are a way of bringing us back to Allah for help, which is in of itself a form of worship. ------------------- Truth or Dare? erm.. truth? lol ayt.. You ever been out with a guy/gurl before? er.. maybe? Nah! thats not a proper answer. You gna do a dare instead, i dare you to go ask him/her out. Go on, you can do it! I.. i'm... what u mean? its a dare, its a game. oh.. kay.. *the drum in your chest starts beatin faster* hey.. lisen erm, this is jus a.. dare, so.. u wna.. go out with.. me? .. it's just a dare sorry. what u think u r!? do one. ok, i'm sorry about that.. hahahaa! lol that was funny, what did he/she say? nothin.. it was nothin. eww! did you see that guy, he thinks hes a thug or sutin. i hate dem wanabez. lol alow it, he proli part of der crew now init. yehh.. i thote he waz religios n dat.. weird. listen bros, i'm out - catch up wit u'z later init. ayt bruv, chat inabit. make sure u 'dont fall in luv wiv er' shes not your type! haha. hm.. ok. inabit. ...... you walk on home, your annoyed at yourself.. still kinda embarrased, but yeah - i'll be more braver from now on. you need to get popular, but things aren't working out.. you start walking faster, looking at the floor while thinking of what you did wrong. "oi.." what was that? must be my imagination.. "over here." You stop. Look around you, to your right.. someones standing there. "who is it?" you ask. you walk forward and near the corner you see two gurlz. Or is it one guy? Depends on your gender init. Note: Females usually prefer to be in groups. This way, they can discuss the issue, usually with their best friend and explain how they feel emotionally etc."listen, come here.. my mates callin ya" "yeh?" you look at her then quickly look down.. [this is shocking because when Allah orders us to lower our gaze in the Qur'an 24:30 - we are naturally by default [in our fitrah] embarrased to stare at a person from the opposite gender, however this can be altered if the staring is done continuously and this feeling of haya (modesty) dies out.] "listen, you know what happened today yeh.. i was kinda harsh on ya, jus wanted to say sorry n dat init." "oh.. its ok." "go on, say it then." ... "ayt.. erm..." "what she's tryna say is that she thinks your cute." "oi, shurup you lol" *embarrased* "Nah calm down gurl, so wa u think of her?" "..." "Wna go on a date with her then? listen, whats your numba, we'll give you a call later init." "Ok-kay.." "Just give us a bell and we'll save your numba" "ayt.. safe." *you take your phone out and save the other persons no. then you miscall them so they know what your number is too.* "ayt, chat later yeh.. she's just quiet cuz shes shocked, thats ma gurl init!" you rush home.. that funny feeling inside of you, its an exciting feeling. lol you got that smile on your face now init? your boddy feels ticklish.. and you're taking looong breaths [compare this to the short, quick rapid breaths of the person who's been hurt.] ------------------------ Love is A Tree Love can't really be described in one word. It's a tree, and there are loads of branches extending out of it. These branches include; extreme joy, extreme sadness, grief, anxiety, excitement, looking forward to what may come ahead, sweetness, pain, energy, a feeling of the unability to do anything. Any word you can describe love with, its always got an opposite extreme to it. This world has both of these extremes in, where love can end in pain, and pain can turn into love. Where many hard years of earning wealth can be destroyed within a moment, and a large amount of wealth can be earned within a small amount of time. Allah has created these factors so that we may see both sides of this world and recognise the reality of the hereafter. If a person submitted to Allah in this world and through Allah's Mercy entered paradise, there would be eternal love, joy, peace, tranquility, happiness there. Yet anyone who disbelieved and turned away from Allah's signs, they are liable to Allah's punishment, and the punishment of the fire will be pure regret, hatred, anger, sadness etc. Anything which Allah has made haram [forbidden] for us in this world, it is for our and other peoples benefit. Yet at the same time, like mentioned in an earlier chapter - Allah has made certain things permissible for us, so instead of adultery/fornication, Allah has made permissible for us marriage, and instead of doing haram to fulfill our desires, we have something permissible instead to fulfill our desires and even get rewarded for it. We all will die, and every soul will taste death. If we have turned to Allah whole-heartedly, we will be succesful in the hereafter insha'Allah. However, if we have turned away from Allah and His messenger's commands, we are doing injustice because we are turning away from what Allah has made permissible for us, inreturn for what is sinful, and harmful for ourselves and others. We know that even if we love someone fully from our heart in this world, it still won't do good if it is a sinful love, rather it will push us deeper into Allah's anger. If it's a permissible love, you may even get rewarded for it, that is allowed and if you keep your duty to Allah your love story can continue in paradise insha'Allah forever.. |
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| | #8 |
| Administrator Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 2,022 Gender: ![]() Way of life: Muslim Thanks: 79
Thanked 257 Times in 209 Posts
| What Can I do? How long has it been now?------------------ Patience... You kept listening, trying to understand what they were going through. They would sometimes get breathless and emotional like before, but they had stopped contacting this person now, they had given up hope in them.. yeah - they desired to be with them again.. but we don't always get what we want in this world. Usually this is a blessing in disguise from Allah. Therefore, we can say that the first step for you is is to lookafter the person who's hurt, allow them to explain how they feel, and allow them to let it all out instead of keeping it locked in. Don't always keep saying to them that 'you will get over it', or 'there are plenty of other fish in the sea' because this hurts the person more. They don't want any other fish apart from the one they were with before. Every person differs on how long it takes for them to recover, so you will have to be patient. However, you can tell them to be patient and gradually with time they will be able to move on. At the same time explain to them that they might feel they can't move on, but Allah has made us in a way so that we can, but this takes patience. The person will realise this later on in life, and its still worth mentioning because its something positive. At the same time you can explain that Allah never overburdens a soul with more than it can bear. On no soul doth Allah Place a burden greater than it can bear. It gets every good that it earns, and it suffers every ill that it earns.Your friend will still feel sad.. they don't really want to move on, they want to be with this person. But they can't.. we know this world is surrounded by hardships, and even though Allah may take away something/someone we love away from us, it is only for our own good. Allah knows what is in the future, while we don't. This person we were in love with may have given us a worser time in this life in the future, maybe made us live a sinful life, or maybe even lead us into the hellfire because of our sins and wrongdoing [we seek refuge in Allah from this.] The reason why its a blessing in disguise is because if it wasn't for this reason that stopped them, they would try to cling on even if they had to hold onto a thread. However, by one person ending it - it's actually the only way the person can try to move on [because their not getting any positive response from their ex anyway.] Other situations which force the relationship to end, such as parents, death, moving away etc are all different ways which may break up a relationship. But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth, and ye know not.You have to move forward... As time passes by, your friend will gradually have to move on, whether they like it or not. What can you do? The first thing is, you have to make them lift their head up. If their still thinking about the past, it's going to keep them depressed for even longer. Do this only after a few weeks, or 2/3 months minimum.. otherwise it's going to be rushed. It's also going to be hard to push them forward if you don't allow them the time for rest, or time to get over it. You need to bring them to a new group of people. The best thing to do is to bring this person to practising muslims, maybe in a new environment. This is because the person experiences a new place, and different people. The new environment is important because your friend will experience new things. Maybe see something new, talk to, and listen to others who have a different mindset, compared to your mates old friends. Your friend will still feel in a daze, however these new people are likely to keep your friends mind more occupied, instead of your friend just staying at home all day [while remaining depressed about everything which occured in their past relationship] Okay, lets see what we've just said. 1) Allow your friend to feel sad, and explain how they feel for a few weeks. Reassure them that things will get better insha'Allah.Remember we discussed in an earlier chapter that your friend's just been pushed off a plane? It's really important that you take them to safety with good practising muslim friends. If you don't, their just going to become harsh, or get influenced by society again to do more wrong.. which may make them hard hearted, and push them further into darkness - which we really don't want. People differ alot; some move on from the past within a few weeks, months, others it might even take a year or more. However, the same method applies, but the timing differs. You know your friend, and you have to help them - its your responsibility. Don't give up on them, if you work hard enough and place your trust in Allah - He will help youl; dua' (prayer) and patience - these are of the most powerful weapons which we underestimate. You keep hearing this statement loads right? You're a baby, and you're going to be affected by those around you. You're the friend, it's your responsibility to help them from not falling astray. It's also your responsibility to be with those who are practising islam, otherwise you could fall astray too. So, verily, with every difficulty, there is relief: A man asked the ProphetWho do we really love? Those who follow the way of the dwellers of paradise, or do we love the way of those who are under the wrath of Allah? Which group of people do we really want to be raised up with? |
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| | #9 |
| Administrator Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 2,022 Gender: ![]() Way of life: Muslim Thanks: 79
Thanked 257 Times in 209 Posts
| Re-union why is life like this..? i thought it would be more special .. why did it have to end so soon.. i should have been more patient.. should have stayed away.. But if i never, i wouldn't ever meet up with him/her.. and I wouldn't feel hurt that way though? ..i miss those times... *sigh* .. lifes so messed up... *Beep Beep* 1 New SMS Recieved. Your heart skips a beat. You rush to open it. - Open - Who could it be? is it them? i wish it is... go on, reply back quick please! What? is this a dream!? you've got all that energy inside of you again.. you wipe your eyes and start searching for your best clothes. Where you going? It's getting late. Oh, just to a friends house. It's gettin late now, whats with all the makeup? Don't worry, she's got a party. Girls only, i'll be back by 10. Don't tell dad init, he'll flip. Alright, don't mess about. This is cuz u backed me up last time, safe? Alright, ayt.. anyway am out. Wonder wats up with her? hm... --- Have i got my phone? *checks pocket* Hey, listen. Can you drop me off to pictures? yeh, k.. wa time? dno.. bwt half 6ish? k, u owe me.. thx! yeh, i owe ya. Beeep beeeeep! "get in you idiot!" So who izi? wats hiz name? lol, he ma hero init. ayt ayt.. make sho hez na playin ya lol. ..shurup. yeh, we ere. take a bus home init? i'll be at wrk. need sum cash? nah, got sum from home. kk inabit! Looks quite busy.. wonder where he's at? Oh, its not 7 yet. hm this is takin a while.. i'll text him. Yo! wag1.. how long u been waitin for? Hey! na dat long.. i missed ya. Nah, am here now init. so wa u wna watch den? Dno, u pik. I'm happy with woreva u wna watch.. Ayt.. safe. We'll watch an action movie. u okay wit dat? If you're happy, i'm happy... Anyway, we'll decide later init. What u been upto? Been starin at any new guys lately? W-what? what you mean..? Oh, nothin. What's new anyway? Nothin really.. i'm jus really happy that you're ere now... Listen, anyway. I think i left my cash at home, let me check my wallet. *opens up wallet, and looks through it.* I'm skint. You got any money? Yeah, i got some from home.. how much u need? hm.. sorry about this yeah, nah we just need enough to see the movie together init. Yeh.. don't worry. I'll pay. Good one, thanks. C'mon, lets go now. Their about to start, let's get the tickets. The seats are at the back i think. Yeah, should have come earlier. I did, but yeah.. maybe next time. It's about to start.. .... Hey listen, do you think you could get some popcorn? We could share and that init? Sure, that's okay. You walk away to get the popcorn. *Beep Beep* uh oh, i should have kept it on silent. ==================You walk back towards your seat. Who were you on the phone with? Oh, it was just my friend.. Where's the popcorn? I forgot to get that, sorry.. listen, i'm really really sorry about this but i have to go.. my friend just called me, and i have to go home. Who's this friend you keep talking about? You sure you not messing about with me? No, honest. I'd love to stay with you, but i can't init.. Why not? Is this friend more special than me? It's not that... Look - i can't be bothered with this, just do one. I'm really sorry.. seriosly. Nah, you can go. I'll stay here. Ok..kay. i'm sorry. Bye. he wasn't interested, just kept staring at the screen. You went outside, it was dark now. The street lamps had a glow to them, it was becoming colder.*Knock Knock* Listen, come inside quick. *You walked in, and rushed upstairs.* "I think they know where you've been..." |
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| | #10 |
| Administrator Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 2,022 Gender: ![]() Way of life: Muslim Thanks: 79
Thanked 257 Times in 209 Posts
| The Good Friend What took you so long anyway? I was at my mates house init.. Nah, don't mess about. We phoned your mates house. oh.. Listen, i dno.. i think you should tell the truth before you get yourself into a deeper mess... .... Both of you! come downstairs. you sat there, staring hard at the floor. C'mon.. dad's calling. You stood up.. everything's happening too quick you thought to yourself. Both of you, come down! Now! You walked down the stairs, knowing that you were going to be questioned.. i wish i could run away you thought to yourself. You were in a daze, everything had happened within one day. No-ones even on my side, you felt alone... You sat down, not knowing what the response would be.. So, where did you go? .... You felt, scared.. confused. What can i do? You was just getting over what had happened earlier today, and now i had to face this. These thoughts floated in my mind, i was scared.. yet the room was dead silent. Well? ..... Your eyes were still firmly fixed to the ground, is this really the worst moment i've experienced in my life? It was a feeling of hopelessnes, an empty feeling. Tears were working hard to burst out, but you strived to keep them locked in.. one escaped, it ran down your cheek. How long was this going to take?? Pass me your phone. Now go to your room. You tried opening your mouth, it was dry.. no sound came out, just a choke.. you put the phone on the table. The eyes were hurting now, you closed them to stop more from rolling out.. as soon as they were closed, you ran upstairs. Fell onto your bed as tears rushed out, like a fountain.. you pushed your face into into the pillow and wiped your eyes. Hopeless.. nobody to trust..everything was too much.. you.. cried yourself to sleep... you were having a dream.. everything was so special; hey! where shall we meet up? haha, lol. lets go together okay? yeh! safe. ..where are u? stop messin with me.. i'm here.where!?i'm here..ur krazy lol. oii!!... Oi! Wake up! wake up.. its me, its me. Your eyes were stuck to the pillow. where! who? i cant see..? It's me, what happened? What did your parents say? .. oh it was just a dream... i miss them times.. i'm sorry.. what happened yesterday? i don't wna talk about it.. my parent's have my phone now though. *you rubbed your eyes* oh.. does it still have the messages in? yeah.. dno what they gna say yet. i'll pray for you.. thanks.. these past few weeks have been kinda tough, especially the past few days. yeh, i feel your pain. i've known you since we were kids lol. remember when we used to hate each other? oh yeah.. lol. time.. changes people.. yeah.. it does.. alot... You know when i walked in, your parents were lookin at me weird.. i think i know why.. cuz of yesterday? yeh, because ..i said i were at your place, sorry? it's k. listen, i've been goin to the masjid lately because i never had too much people to hang out with.. i made some friends there, is it okay if i call them over? okay, make sure it's not someone from the opposite gender. lol shurup.. obviously. "Asalamu 'alykum, listen - can you come over to my mates house? the one i was talkin about earlier?" "wa alykum as-Salam, alright. I was thinking of comin over anyway." Alhamdulillah, they comin over. I hope your parent's dont get suspicious. ..hm.... doesn't matter, they practisin muslims anyway. your parents might be happy. yeah, insha'Allah. so what happened yesterday then? did it end? yeh.. kinda. i dno, its mixed messages init.. its not like the same like the beginin, everythin changed.. i dno why. what if its another person? .. maybe.. Come downstairs! your friends here. Can you go down for me? Oh okay. insha'Allah. hm.. I wonder what that dream was about? They have been actin strange quite alot lately. You heard some people running up the stairs. Asalamu 'alykum! hey.. how are you. wasalamz.. am ayt n dat, u? yeh, me gud thx. i met them at the masjid init. lol yeh, we study together.. got a club runnin in the masjid, we go places, travelin and everythin.. oh.. kool. my mates just abit down today, that's all. lol. its ok.. no probz. whats up anyway? nah, its nothin. no go on.. it's someone i knew... oh.. is it, someone? *silence* ye.. Love's something you don't have much control over, it usually happens before you know you've fallen into it. sometimes, it doesn't work out.. i kno.. it reminds me of a story in the lifetime of the prophet (peace be upon him.) ye? i'll try explaining it insha'Allah: The Messenger of Allah salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam was telling his uncle Al Abas the story of Mugheeth and Bareerah, he said: "O Abbas! Isn't it amazing how much Mugheeth loves Bareerah and how much Bareerah loves/hates? Mugheeth?"oh.. thats shokin. I never knew islam covered all of dat. i thought it was all about prayin n everythin. nah, nearly anything that happens in our lives, we can relate it to the life of the Prophet or his companions. That's so kool because atleast we know that other people have been in similar situations to us.. yeh.. thats true u know. i never thought of it that way before. just remember that Allah never overburdens you with what you can't bear, Allah won't test you so much that you feel you can't take it no more.. love feels like that sometimes, but in reality - Allah is strengthening you, making you a more stronger , patient person. yeh.. maybe.. We going library tomorrow, wna come with us? We can get some islamic books insha'Allah? Aiigh..Alright. Sure, tomorrow insha'Allah. Tell my parents though, i don't want them being suspicious on me. No worries, we'll sort it out for you insha'Allah! |
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