> Help My First Arabic Story

[salman]

Can someone please check if following passage is correct, jazak Allah khayran?

هذا بيتُنَا‫.‬ فرِحتُ في يومِ الجمعةِ‫.‬ انتهيتُ الامتحاناتَ‫.‬ دخلَ والدي و اخي بيتَنَا‫.‬ ذهبنَا إلى المسجدِ الكبيرِ‫.‬ استقبلتُ صديقيَنِ في المسجدِ. دخلَ إمامُ المسجدِ في المسجدِ‫.‬ ثُم قرأ القرآنَ. القرآنُ المجيدُ كلامُ اللهِ‫.‬ و ذكر المسلميَنِ في جهنمِ. حصلتَ المسلمٌونَ الصالحُونَ بشرَى الجنةِ. و أمر هُم بالصلاةِ و الصدقةِ‫.‬ قرأتُ القرآنَ. بعد عدتُ. و أكلتُ التفاحَ.

[ThePreacher1]

Originally Posted by salman

Can someone please check if following passage is correct, jazak Allah khayran?

هذا بيتُنَا‫.‬ فرِحتُ في يومِ الجمعةِ‫.‬ انتهيتُ الامتحاناتَ‫.‬ دخلَ والدي و اخي بيتَنَا‫.‬ ذهبنَا إلى المسجدِ الكبيرِ‫.‬ استقبلتُ صديقيَنِ في المسجدِ. دخلَ إمامُ المسجدِ في المسجدِ‫.‬ ثُم قرأ القرآنَ. القرآنُ المجيدُ كلامُ اللهِ‫.‬ و ذكر المسلميَنِ في جهنمِ. حصلتَ المسلمٌونَ الصالحُونَ بشرَى الجنةِ. و أمر هُم بالصلاةِ و الصدقةِ‫.‬ قرأتُ القرآنَ. بعد عدتُ. و أكلتُ التفاحَ.

Typically the sentences there (the above) are all wrong and not related to each other. The writing is good but the meanings are not good .

You said "هذا بيتُنَا " which means in english "This is our home'" but the next sentence is " فرِحتُ في يومِ الجمعةِ " which means in english "I've been happy in friday". The wrong with this sentence is that first you wrote the word in english in your mind than you translated it in arabic because you have added the "في " which wasn't necessary in the sentence, you can say " فرِحتُ يومِ الجمعةِ". second there is no relation between the first sentence and the second one which when you were happy , so the sentence will be wrong because events are not related to each other .

The sentence " انتهيتُ الامتحاناتَ" is wrong because of the first word which is the verb " انتهيتُ", you must say " أنهيت " or " انتهت " and the sentence will be " أنهيت الامتحانات " or " انتهت الامتحانات " or simply added "من " if you want to use this verb " انتهيتُ " that you used before, and the phrase will be like that " انتهيتُ من الامتحانات " with "Kasra" in the "ت". But again there is no relation between the first sentence and the second snetence and the third one which is finishing the tests , the events are not in the same line of times.

The sentence "دخلَ والدي و اخي بيتَنَا" is so funny because you said that my dad and my brother get in our house, if the house is yours, then the sentence is correct but the event of getting in is not correct and then the sentence will be wrong from the place where it is in the paragraph, but if the house is not yours but you live in it with your family, the phrase will be wrong because the house is for your all and it is not yours in the meaning so the sentence must be like that way " دخل والدي وأخي بيتي" or if it is not your home " دخل والدي وأخي البيت " . By the way what do you mean by " بيتنا " ? do you mean "house" or " room " ? because it can be mean one of both according to the meaning of the sentence and what you wrote means "home" not "room" .

P.S : I will continue the correction later if God willing, I have to go .

Edit to add :

"ذهبنَا إلى المسجدِ الكبيرِ" is Typically correct, is just the antecedent events are not related to it .

"استقبلتُ صديقيَنِ في المسجدِ" This is wrong, because the verb " استقبلتُ" is used in places that you own, or for hotels, the "المسجدِ" is a place for sallat and not for "الاستقبال", you can say "التقيت" which means I met, so your sentence must be like that "التقيت صديقين في المسجد".

The sentence "دخلَ إمامُ المسجدِ في المسجدِ " is wrong because you have said that the Imam of the mosque has in in the mosque and it is not correct, you must say "دخلَ إمامُ المسجدِ المسجد" with "Fatha" in the "د" , there is no need of " في " .

"‫.‬ ثُم قرأ القرآنَ" is correct but the events of reciting Quran is not correct, because you said before this sentence that Imam has in, then he can't read Quran instantly after being doing the act of "in", at least you can say "فجلس وأخذ يقرأ القرآن" . The use of "ثُم" must be before an events because " ثُم" you use it when there is a related events , and in your sentences there is no related events.

" القرآنُ المجيدُ كلامُ اللهِ" is right, but as I said the event is separated according to the antecedent events.

"و ذكر المسلميَنِ في جهنمِ" The sentence is correct but you must know what did you said, lol. You have said that "he (the Imam) has mentioned Muslims in Hell " :) are Muslims going to Hell ? maybe and maybe not, and he doesn't know who is going to hell or heaven, this is up to Allah .

"حصلتَ المسلمٌونَ الصالحُونَ بشرَى الجنةِ" The sentence is wrong and so the meanings . Your sentence must be this way " حصيلة المسلمين الصالحين بشرى في الجنة " .

"و أمر هُم بالصلاةِ و الصدقةِ" This is correct .

"قرأتُ القرآنَ" correct .


"بعد عدتُ" this is not right, you must say "بعد ذلك عدت" and you must add the place where you have came back "المنزل" which means "Home" so the sentence must be like that "بعد ذلك عدت الى المنزل" .

"و أكلتُ التفاحَ" , this correct, but you must not use "و" and this event must be related to the other when you have came back home .

You have done a great work, your sentences are right from writings, just a little bit of mistakes, just keep going and make more efforts to avoid this kind of mistakes mentioned above .

[abdullahxie]

wow, you are going into such details explaining every single sentence. Good.

[al-boriqee]

Originally Posted by ThePreacher1

You have done a great work, your sentences are right from writings, just a little bit of mistakes, just keep going and make more efforts to avoid this kind of mistakes mentioned above .

did you utilize you knowledge of 'iraab to derive how these mistakes were donw, or did it require more than the knowledge of 'iraab in order to deduce where these mistakes were made.?

have you studied alfiyyatu ibn maalik?

[Aayah]

Originally Posted by al-boriqee

did you utilize you knowledge of 'iraab to derive how these mistakes were donw, or did it require more than the knowledge of 'iraab in order to deduce where these mistakes were made.?

I don't think that it needs a knowledge of 'iraab to find the mistakes more than knowing the context of the story itself, what I see in the story written above is: 1) It lack links between sentences to make them relate to each other. 2) Some pronouns need to be changed 3) Some preposition are missing there.

To give the story some more obvious meaning, it will have to have some more sentences between the sentences that were already there after re-wording them. Also, it needs some revision as I feel that it was a direct literal translation from English to Arabic. Arabic is not like English, a long sentence in English can be re-written to be few words in Arabic. It doesn't have to be one to one translation.


But as a first story I see it done quite well.

[al-boriqee]

Originally Posted by abdullahxie

wow, you are going into such details explaining every single sentence. Good.

akhee

ASALAMU ALAIKUM WARAHMATULLAH



are you really from China

I never had the pleasure of coming into contact with a Chinese Muslim and this is my first time. I wish I could give you a big hug, subhanallah

delight my heart by telling me a little about yourself, about Beijing, and how Islam is in Beijing and in China in general, if certain provinces are more comfortable with Muslims than others. How is Islam overall in China doing. Are the many Muslims there or are they in different provinces.

I would like to know all about yourself if you do not mind min fadlik wa barakallahu feekum

[Sensationnz]

Originally Posted by al-boriqee

akhee

ASALAMU ALAIKUM WARAHMATULLAH



are you really from China

I never had the pleasure of coming into contact with a Chinese Muslim and this is my first time. I wish I could give you a big hug, subhanallah

delight my heart by telling me a little about yourself, about Beijing, and how Islam is in Beijing and in China in general, if certain provinces are more comfortable with Muslims than others. How is Islam overall in China doing. Are the many Muslims there or are they in different provinces.

I would like to know all about yourself if you do not mind min fadlik wa barakallahu feekum

Great job akhi Salman, (i really dont understand that much, its too datailed overall looks good).

Akhi al-boriqee you can try google :P.


wsallam